As a Parent – Are you the “Coach” your child needs?
How well do you know your child?
This can only be answered by you when you truthfully evaluate how much quality time you really spend with them to be able to understand them as individuals. What are the challenges they are facing in their day to day lives? Get ready to have involved conversations to find out about them, ask them questions which give you insights into how they like to learn, how they perceive their world and also your role in it.
Are you really listening?
As adults we are conditioned to think that we do not need to pay attention to what a child is saying, this can be very limiting in your relationship with your child. Listening is an extremely important aspect of spending time with your child and understanding them. Listening is not only limited to hearing what they have to say, Active Listening means that you notice – what they say, how they say it, what is the terminology they use, what do they emphasize and what is the emotion behind what they are saying to you. Once you start to understand these aspects of your child’s communication you will see a stark shift in how you respond to them.
Are you the role model?
“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”
― James Baldwin
A Childs learning is heavily dependent on which aspects they favor, it could be more visual, auditory or even kinesthetic. This is a very important aspect of understanding your child, which medium do they prefer. Highly visual children may not understand what you keep repeatedly saying to them but if you show them the same behavior they will start to imbibe it. Also by saying one thing and then personally acting differently can really impact a child’s understanding and set them in a state of confusion as to which behavior is appropriate. As a parent we must action what we say otherwise during the key development stages of our child we are setting in confusion and giving them mixed messages.
The development of social, emotional and intellectual skills is what defines how children cope with the various life circumstances which they will face in the years to come. In today’s world a child goes through many more challenges than we did. There are a variety of reasons for this such as technology influence, celebrity idolization, instant gratification at consumer levels and the sheer level of informational access. As parents it is our duty to ensure that children learn the ability to make appropriate and relevant choices. This can only be taught by showing them how to make these decisions, keeping them highly involved and by acting as the right model when you take decisions of your own.
The first step is awareness
The parent child relationship has always been the most crucial relationships and in my role as a Counsellor, Therapist and coach, I have seen 80-90% of issues be rooted at the relationship with parents’ level. Continuous reinforcement of positivity during a child’s development stages can create a huge impact on their self-growth, self-esteem and self-worth. However, most of us as parents are unable to identify these actions we need to take to fulfill the development needs of our children.
Once the awareness around these aspects starts to set in, you will see a change in yourself and in your relationship with your child. You will find that you are aware of their behavioral patterns and adjust to their needs. You will start becoming a firm but at the same time a patient parent. Of course, you will start to respond to every situation rather than reacting from a space of limited understanding.
These small changes can truly help to create a better, happier, more functional and calmer family dynamic. There many other small things we can do as parents – I will continue to expand on the basic premises which can make us better parents and truly be the “coach” our children deserve in their lives.
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Mind Matrix Wellness Studio is an Accredited ICTA Institute (International Coach & Trainer Association: Europe and Russia, which carries out professional NLP Training Programs based on different methods of personal development and transformation where we share common standards of professional teaching and are united by common coaching approach to transformation supervised by the NLP Master Trainer and the Founder of ICTA and Akasha Healing System: Jack Makani.
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